I'm finding myself again at that place where, though I hold no shame, in failing....it's difficult to find a reason to put in the effort....I work hard at walking that line between being who I am and fitting in with the rest of the world.....and oh how I've wanted to fit in......

There's really never been anyone who had my back....there's really never been anyone who cared whether I existed, except for their own personal gain....I can't quite find a reason to carry on with it all.....I love life...I have such a insatiable curiosity of it....but isn't there a time when you must accept, it's never going to get better?  You can try, put in the work....but every time...EVERY time...you're going to fail....somehow....it was your destiny....you're just too empty to convince yourself again to drag yourself up...the pain is just too great....you feel the slap coming before the hand is raised....you just want it all to be over......it wasn't meant to be,,,,it was never meant to be....and maybe the finale of your life is acknowledging that, accepting that...and holding your head proudly in the knowledge....

....might just be time for me to fade into the woodwork.....

Discovery....a draft from 7 years ago.....a moment of joy....

....since I last wrote a blog on this page?????

Our life has been pretty exciting -- I live in 2 states and Dan's been living in 3. :) Makes boredom impossible.

After a lot of thought, I'm thinking we're going to keep our house and accept a "bonus" and live in WA when we're not here. Dan will still have to fly back east on occasion.

And what a weekend!!! It was so filled with fun and surprises! '

The first came with connecting with an artist we've known for, my goodness, --ever. We lived next door to his parents on QA -- He was a struggleling artist, she used to send him care packages to the various countries he was living in -- we made his sister's wedding cake, in fact as his parents were living out of the States at the time, the whole wedding was sort of centered out of our apt. Masses of people, limo's and lots and lots of laughter!

Anyway, our great niece interviewed him on her artblog -- we emailed him and, just as it was with his parents, it's like we just saw him yesterday and picked up where we left off!

The of course it was "Derby Weekend" -- Did you watch the "Fillies for the Lillies" on Bravo Friday? It's call something like the "Oak". Kinda the female version of the Kentucky Derby the day before at Churchill Downs -- "Rachel Alexandria" won by 20 lengths, man can she run! -- she should have been in the Derby!!

One dollar of ever bet made on the race went for Breast Cancer Research -- and everyone was wearing pink! :)

Same jockey (Calvin Borel) who rode Rachel won the Kentucky Derby the following day on a little tiny horse, Mine that Bird, who came from way in the back and left everyone in his dust! A 50 - 1 shot! Thinking his odds are going to be a little better at The Preakness in 2 weeks!

The on Sturday night our neighbors hosted a terrfic Cinco de Mayo party at their restaraunt and all of us attended -- It was so great to see neighbors and catch up! The food -- OMG!!

On Sunday we took a drive down the Columbia River Gorge, I think it's the first day long drive we've done since last Fall -- most weekends have been spent trying to catch up from not being at home the previous week or 2 :)

What a great day! Gorgeous out! Relaxing! FUN! All the Falls were fierce!! Spring run off is incrediable! In all the years we've lived here, we've never seen them this huge, water so high and coming so fast, I couldn't "stop action" it on any setting! Oh...maybe I should have used the "sports" setting! Dang! I bet that would have worked!!

Back to the grindstone today -- have to finish some lables for 4 pieces of Dan's art that's being delivered to a show today -- have to pick up a new gazebo Dan bought yesterday (remember ours fell in on him during the big snow in December), we have to attend the funeral and wake of the husband of a dear friend of ours -- unexpected and so glad we're back home this week so we can..

Guests coming this weekend, doing a little Art Tour -- Dan's in 3 shows - it should be fun!

....and then we begin to pack.....

What a weekend.......home........priceless!