I'm finding myself again at that place where, though I hold no shame, in failing....it's difficult to find a reason to put in the effort....I work hard at walking that line between being who I am and fitting in with the rest of the world.....and oh how I've wanted to fit in......

There's really never been anyone who had my back....there's really never been anyone who cared whether I existed, except for their own personal gain....I can't quite find a reason to carry on with it all.....I love life...I have such a insatiable curiosity of it....but isn't there a time when you must accept, it's never going to get better?  You can try, put in the work....but every time...EVERY time...you're going to fail....somehow....it was your destiny....you're just too empty to convince yourself again to drag yourself up...the pain is just too great....you feel the slap coming before the hand is raised....you just want it all to be over......it wasn't meant to be,,,,it was never meant to be....and maybe the finale of your life is acknowledging that, accepting that...and holding your head proudly in the knowledge....